Oct 31, 10:00 am

Juicy class with Chantelle (sp?), who I haven't had before. I have practiced often with her in the room, but I didn't actually realize she was a teacher until she walked in and turned on the lights this morning!

It's nice having someone new (to me) every once in awhile. It's easy to get used to your regular teachers and their rhythms. Last spring, there was a teacher that I had for about 50% of my classes for a couple months. He chastised me in class once for coming out of a pose 1/2 second early - said that I was taking his classes so often that I knew his rhythm and anticipated it, ending the poses too soon, cheating myself. I just gave him a funny look - I had been noticing just 10 minutes before that I was getting INTO the poses earlier than everyone else because I knew his rhythm. I figured if I was coming out early, at least I was getting in early too, and it should have balanced itself out so I wasn't cheating myself. While that's true, I did try to work on staying present in the room so that I wasn't early or late in either direction - follow the instructions as you hear them!

That actually reminds me of something else funny with that teacher. He had a few poses he liked to hold just a second or two too long, and where he made up for that was often Fixed Firm. I love Fixed Firm, and was so disappointed to come out early from it. Then one day, he was taking class with his mat near mine. When it was time to come out of Fixed Firm, he held it a few seconds extra before coming out. I laughed at him after class - he cheated us with a shorter Fixed Firm all the time, but then stayed in it extra long himself? He told me he hadn't even realized he held it for a shorter time when he was teaching!

Nothing too interesting during class today. My hips are finally opening back up, and it's great to feel like I have my own body back!

Oct 30, 9:15

There have been some posts on the Bikram yoga.com forum lately (I'm jtho there) about least favourite poses and body type, which I think are often connected. I think about this myself, sometimes. For example, I have noticed that a large percentage of men can do Awkward 2 really well, even those on their first class, where this seems to usually (not always) be a more difficult posture for women.

Sometimes I know that my body shape and condition makes poses more difficult, but of course, other poses are easier. (Not ever easy - if it's easy, you need to figure out what to do to make it a challenge!)

I recently asked my boyfriend (who does not do yoga) to lie down on the floor next to me and do Wind Removing. This is a pose that is not particularly taxing for me. I have very flexible hips, and I feel a lovely, nice, wonderful stretch in my hip flexors in both the one-legged and two-legged parts of this posture. However, I sometimes notice that people on either side of me are struggling with this one, and even come out of it early. I honestly had no idea where this could be hurting - in the hips? in the legs somewhere? abdomen?

My boyfriend tried it out and he said he felt something in his hips and something in his hamstrings (which are always very tight), but that it wasn't particularly painful. Ah well, I thought, just part of the yoga mystery.

Last weekend, I went away for 3 days, and I had about a 7-hour drive to my destination. I also had a 1-hr wait at the border crossing into the US, which meant a lot of small movements in my legs between the clutch, gas and brake. (I did shut the car off a few times as I *hate* idling, but we were moving pretty much the whole time - just a very long line). Now, for the past few days, my legs and hips have been killing me.

On my first class back from my trip, I felt some pain in my hips in Wind Removing. A lot of pain. So much pain that I almost wanted to let go of my leg and come out early. Five days later, I am still feeling this pain in the pose, though it has diminished a fair amount. Now, I finally understand what is happening in other people's bodies when they have to give up in this posture.

Maybe one day I will understand the easiness of Awkward II and will get down into that chair?

Oct 29, Noon

Today was a great class. Heat was just right for me, stayed in all the postures (was a second or two late getting into Floor Bow, my nemesis, but I forced myself to stay in a second past "change" so I didn't cheat myself), and just felt happy and lovely.

I was thinking about the tricks I have to play on myself sometimes to keep going in a class and not sit/lie down. These are the ones I use most often:

- I tell myself "just one more posture." Before every posture. If I think "Only 19 more to go," it's just too much. So, I think about just one more. This has gotten me through a whole yoga class many times.
- If I do the floor series fine but start getting frustrated on the floor, I tell myself, "You have done 75% of the class and you are going to give up now? Don't let all your hard work go to waste." This is sort of the opposite theory from the first one.
- I remind myself that I *like* the yoga. I go to class because I choose to, not because anyone forces me to. So if I like it, then just go ahead and do it already!
- If there is a beginner behind me, I tell myself I should set a good example for them.

Today I found myself doing something else. I was smiling during Savasana. It was snowing at my house today (I say my house because we live up a mountain, and so driving down into town, it wasn't snowing anymore). Part of the reason that we recently moved to a new town was because we lived somewhere with no snow and I missed it. I was really happy to see the fluffy white stuff this morning. I took this joy with me into class. I smiled during Savasana. I think I am going to add another technique to my list to try out during tough classes:

- Smile during Savasana. And maybe the rest of the yoga postures, too. :)

Oct 28, 9:15

Today was the best class I've had in awhile. I really tried to focus on my breath and not be distracted by all that was going on around me. It helped! Class went by faster, poses were easier, and I didn't sit out anything today, which is a bad habit I have been falling into over the last couple weeks.

At my old yoga studio, just before Pranayama started, most of the teachers would say "Find your own eyes in the mirror. Concentrate. Meditate. Let's begin." Here, the class starts with "Toes and heels together; let's begin." I think I am going to start giving myself that reminder before every class. I think I need it.

You know when you feel something different in your body, or hear something in the dialogue for the first time (even though it has been there forever), or just have something "click" for you? I had two of those moments today.

The first was in Standing Head to Knee. This pose has been a long struggle for me. It took me 8 months to be able to consistently lock out my knee and kick out for the first time. That may have been the happiest day of my life, seriously. However, holding that kick then became the new struggle. Today I was in the first part of the posture, holding my foot from underneath, and I suddenly realized I could kind of rotate my hips/stick my butt out. Not sure yet if this is necessary, but as soon as I did it, I felt like I was letting something go. Also, I am able to kick out now and hold for about 5-7 seconds before I need to go back to the first stage. I have been staying after class to practice this one, and I can often hold for at least 10 seconds, and even bend my arms down and start to round in for head to knee. I thought it was something in my focus after class that I needed to try to find during class. However, today when I practiced after class, I noticed my whole form is different when I kick out then - my arms look like a different angle to my body, my back is straighter, chest lifted more. Maybe I am letting go of whatever it is in my hips after class in order to get the different (and I am sure, better) form? I will experiment during the next few classes, and will try to talk to a teacher about it after class, too.

Second change today was in triangle. After a long struggle, again in this one I have seen a lot of improvement. I actually have a pretty solid triangle: I can see the triangle shape, my hips are way down close to the floor, thigh bicep is parallel to the floor, knees over toes, etc. However, when I do the first side, everything is good. When I do the second side, I often feel some stress on the outside of my right (straight leg) knee. I have figured out that I think I am moving my heels out of one line when I transition from one side to the other. I have started practicing closer to the side mirror lately so that I can check out this alignment in the mirror, and it has been helping, but not consistently. Anyway, today I was on that side of the room, but closer to the back and I couldn't see the side mirror (door in the way). I looked down and tried to make the adjustment on my own. I had a pain-free triangle. Yay! Hopefully I have made the progression from mirror-check to self-check, and soon can do feel-check without looking down. (My favourite teacher ever used to tell me not to look down at my feet in triangle and the other postures in this part of the series - he said looking down blocks the airway, so to look forward in the mirror instead to make sure all my breaths were full.)

Also, the studio sent out an apology last night to all of us that practiced at the noon class yesterday. Apparently they have talked with the school as well - not sure that they will be welcome back.

I'm still enjoying a bit of a yoga high from class today - I'm counting on it carrying me over until tomorrow!

Oct 27, Noon

I was right: today was better than yesterday. :)

Today was the second (and last, I think) class where the high school was joining us. It was a different set of kids from last week. Once again, all the boys were down and out midway through the standing series and stayed in savasana until they left.

There was a girl behind me that was distracting me so much. (I know, this is bad.) I have never seen anyone on their first class quite like her before. There are things that many beginners do that I kind of think of as the beginner way of doing some of the poses - like butt up in the air in triangle, and elbows bent in Half Moon sidebend. I am used to seeing these things, and I know I did them too, and eventually if you listen carefully to the dialogue, you figure things out.

First off, this girl was swearing under her breath throughout most of the postures. I have heard this before, but not usually from young women who look to be in pretty good shape. Also, she would watch us get into postures, and then figure out her own way to get into a position to look like the rest of the class. For example, in Standing Bow: She stood on her right leg with her left bent behind her. Then, she leaned over and put her hands on the ground (sort of like getting into Toe Stand). Then, she reached behind herself with her right arm (left hand still on the floor), and grabbed her right big toe. Then, she used her left hand to push herself off of the floor into a position that somewhat resembled Standing Bow, but with no back bend. Of course, she couldn't balance like that, so she would fall forward onto her left hand, and then try to push/bounce herself back up.

Once we got into Savasana at the beginning of the floor series, she started talking to the girl next to her. They whispered throughout each Savasana. I heard the word "shower" a couple times. I assumed the conversation was something along the lines of "I am so sweaty that I can't wait to have a shower." Then, I heard "If we go now, we'll have more time." And just like that, the 3 girls stood up, grabbed their towels and left for their showers while the rest of us did the Sit Up before the first set of Camel. The boys (in the midst of their 35-minute savasana), took one look at the girls, looked at each other, and then stood up and did the same. Their poor gym teacher! He made it through the 2 sets of Camel, and then left as well - I think he was worried what they would all get up to without supervision.

While I was distracted throughout class, I was just happy to be there, and to not be completely exhausted like I was yesterday. Claire (who taught yesterday) was at the front desk when I came in this morning, and I told her I had fallen asleep in class. She told me that during teacher training, she once fell asleep after the first set of Cobra and woke up during Camel!

Today's yoga class was entertaining, if nothing else. :)

Oct 26, Noon

I fell asleep in class today. This was the first time this has ever happened to me. It lasted for about 25 seconds. Nothing more to say about today's practice. Tomorrow will be better.

Oct 22, Noon

I have to admit that I am not really a fan of the noon classes. I normally go to 9:15s on M, W and F, and then the 8 or 10 am on Saturday and Sunday. I know when and how much to eat for the morning classes. I have a smoothie 1.5-2hrs before class, finishing it no later than 1 hr before class starts. I also have 1 L of water, which I stop drinking 30 mins before class starts. This works well for me. However, there is no 9:15 on Tuesday and Thursday at my studio, so noon it is - I just can't drag myself out of bed for the 6 am classes, at least not regularly. I am still figuring out the balance of what and when to eat before the noon classes, and I have been feeling hungry by the time we get to the floor, which makes the belly-down series hard(er) to get through.

I have been able to do Tree Stand for quite some time, including lifting off of my heel and meeting my eyes in the mirror. A few classes ago, Claire told me to start lifting off my heel earlier. We talked about it after class, and she said my goal should be to have my hips off my heel the whole time I am down. I have tried lifting right away, but I am not able to sustain it until it is time to come up. I am working backwards, and right now am lifting when the dialogue says to stretch your spine up, and holding it as long as I can. Once I can hold that long, I will start lifting even earlier.

However, in today's yoga class, I received yet another Toe Stand correction from Claire. Usually, after I meet my eyes in the mirror, I put my hips back on my heel, then lean forward and push back up. Today, in the second set, she told me not to sit back down - go directly from meeting my eyes in the mirror to leaning forward to push back up. Holy crap! This is one of the few times I have ever made a noise during class. A sort of half-moan-half-grunt escaped my lips. I think I discovered some new muscles in my legs! I love having new things to work on, though.

Today was also the 12th day in a row that I've gone, and there was a double in there, too. I did a 30-day Bikram Yoga Challenge last April, and it was days 13 - 21 that I was in a lot of pain. It was my lower back and quads then. Today, right on schedule, my pain started. This time, it is in my upper back (weird), and my hip flexors. My legs in general are a bit heavy, too. It's good pain, though! I know I am building strength. I am leaving town tomorrow for a mini-vacation, and won't be able to practice for 3 days. While part of me is happy that the pain will likely relax a bit, I am actually a bit more disappointed that I won't be working through it. But my new yoga schedule will resume when I am back on Monday, and I'm sure when I am back to my new daily yoga practice, I'll be enjoying this pain again soon.

Oct 21, 9:15 am

Ohhh it was a hot one today. Actually, I think it was humidity. Ever since it started raining about a week and a half ago, the yoga room has been getting very warm. The windows even get opened sometimes, and while the fresh air is nice, I think it just lets in more humidity, and I still feel new sweat running down my back. I am still surprised when I pick up my towel at the end of class and it is actually heavy, but I think that will become the norm, soon.

Today was a struggle for me, both physically and mentally. Two Wednesdays ago, I had a rough class. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to move my body, I am thinking "kick up," but nothing happens. It was one of these classes. On Thursday, I was laid off. On Friday I went to class, a bit worried that it would be a hard one bc of the emotions I was going through after losing my job. Instead, I had a really strong class. I surprised myself with this thought partway through the floor series: "I just don't have the energy to resist."

As soon as I thought that, my next thought was "WHAT? Did I just say that it is taking up my energy to create bad classes?" What a horrible thing to think, but of course this is a wonderful thing to be aware of. I was thinking about this again today as I struggled - am I creating this struggle for myself? Of course I know that I am, but knowing how to end the struggle is something else.

I moved to a new city at the end of June, and since practicing at this new-to-me studio, I have felt like my yoga practice is regressing. I have been having a harder time with the heat, I sit out postures (which I never used to do), and I just know that I am not pushing myself as hard. I know that I have gone through plateaus before, but I am coming to realize that I am giving myself this struggle because I miss my old studio. The teachers aren't the same, the heating system isn't the same, the carpet smells bad, there's no waiting room outside the studio - I think I do poorly so I can blame something in my new studio, and then prove that my old studio was better. But who am I proving this to? Who benefits from me having a bad class, and why does it matter that I liked my old studio more?

I am glad that I am becoming aware of this, as it means I can work to stop doing this to myself, and get back into giving my all into the yoga. It really shouldn't/doesn't matter whether I practice on a rubber floor or carpet, whether the teacher knows me by name and will give me corrections, and whether there is a bench to sit on outside the door when I come out exhausted from class. The postures are what matter. My focus is what matters. My breath is what matters. The rest is only the trimmings. Now, I just need to figure out how to take this information, and live it while I am in the hot room.

October 20th, 12 Noon Class

Maggie was teaching today, and she is slowly becoming a favourite teacher of mine. She has a great rhythm and pace that keeps me focused.

The interesting thing about today's class was that a local high school gym class was joining us. There were about 10 boys and 2 girls, plus a male and female teacher taking up the whole back row.

First, the funny stuff. All of the boys were wearing shirts, and the girls had tank tops on over their sports bras. At the beginning of class, Maggie said: "You might want to take your shirts off as it will get really hot." I watched in the mirror as the guys made faces that meant, "Yeah, like I am going to take my shirt off in front of the girls in my class." By the end of Standing Bow, they were all shirtless.

It was also interesting to watch teenage apathy fight with teenage ego. You know that the boys were thinking "yoga is for sissies, this will be easy." By Triangle, every single one of the boys was lying on the floor. The stayed there until it was time for first Savasana. Only two boys stood up to do Tree Stand. I had thought for sure that the need to prove they were strong and could do yoga easily fell to the teenage apathy of "the gym teachers want us here, I don't really care." I also wonder if it was the popular boys who lay down first, and then the others followed suit.

So, clearly I was paying too much attention to what was going on in the room, and now my own practice. However, I find in these situations (similar to Free Class days, which cause a very full room, full of beginners) that I am very motivated to stay strong with my own practice. For anyone who is not laying down, I want to make sure I set a good example. It also means that at least my mind is in the room (and not on the groceries, or work, or whatever), which is closer to it being just on myself. I did have a very focused and strong practice today, despite the small part of my brain that was watching the back row.

Having so many beginners in the room is also a nice reminder to see how far I've come. Sometimes I feel like I am at a standstill with my practice, or even that I am moving backwards. When you see beginners around you wiping their sweat every few seconds, laying down all the time, grunting, or even talking, it's a reminder of how much more focus I have now than I did a year and a half ago. As I hear Maggie say "toes and heels together" and watch several students just bring their feet closer together but not actually touching, I realize my listening skills have improved, too. As I'm lying in savasana throughout the floor series and she is reminding everyone "heels together, toes flop open" and to bring their arms to their sides, and to stop moving - I realize that I have trained myself to find small bits of stillness in my life.

Welcome!

Wow, writing a first post is a bit weird! I'm here writing another Bikram yoga blog. I have been practicing for almost a year and a half, and my usual schedule is 5 classes/wk. I was just laid off from my job though, so I've decided to go every day! In a sense, I am completing a challenge, though I have no idea how long it will last for. :) I enjoy reading other Bikram blogs, and especially as a beginner, I found it helpful to read what others felt about the practice so I could learn from them. With my new free time, I am hoping to give back to the community that has benefitted me so much.

I'm about to head off for today's class in about 10 minutes, so here's a bit about my practice yesterday.

Yesterday, I did my first ever double! I practiced at 9:15 am and then again at noon. I asked for advice beforehand from one of my teachers, and a coconut water, emergen-c, and banana, plus some water, in between classes did me well.

One of the other teachers told me - don't have any expectations. He was right. :) I have never held standing bow or standing head to knee for the full time, ever. Lately, after class, I have been practicing both of them, and I am able to stay in a lot longer then. I was hoping that the after-class magic would carry through into my second class of the double! As it turns out, I did hold them both for a longer amount of time than normal, but not through the full set. I shouldn't have had expectations.

What did turn out really well - Hands to Feet. I am often able to lock my knees in this posture, but during my second class yesterday, I felt pretty close to touching my head to my feet, too. I'm hoping other yogis will understand this, but I felt more like I was pulling straight down, like something gave way in my hips and there was no rounding or pulling forward at all, only straight down. It felt sooooo good.

I also had amazing focus throughout my second class. The heat didn't bother me at all, and the whole class went by in what felt like about 20 minutes. My body felt loose, happy and springy afterwards - how lovely. However, after I got home, I ate lunch and then had a two hour nap. I was apparently exhausted. I am not sure if I will do one again soon - I loved the feeling during and after the double, but by the time I went to both classes, came home, and napped, it was already time to make dinner - my whole day was gone! I am happy to say I now have one double under my belt, though, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it might be. :)