Nov 21 - 25: Patience!

I have gone to yoga class for the last 5 days, just have felt too lazy to blog about it afterwards.

I am learning a lot about patience, and the lessons keep coming in many different forms. For example:

On Saturday, I had one of my best ever Standing Bows. I thought "Omigod! I might hold it for the first time ever, and it will be on my birthday! How awesome is that?" And then I fell out. Must have patience when there are good things on the horizon!

On Sunday I had a crappy class, and just kept beating myself up over it, making the class worse and worse. Need patience through the rough times.

On Monday, I was having a really strong, fabulous class. Until Fixed Firm. Coming out of the second set, I pulled a muscle in my chest, I think my deltoid. I tried each of the rest of the postures, but the only one I could do was Rabbit. For the rest, getting my arms into position was too painful, and I had to lay out. I couldn't get my hands over my head for the sit-up, either. I was so mad! I was having an awesome class, and then I had to skip postures, and it wasn't due to laziness or fatigue, just muscle pain. I told Claire after class what had happened, and she said, "See, Jennifer, this class is about learning patience." And then I told her that it was fine, because after final savasana, I massaged the muscle until it felt about 90% better, and then did all of the postures that I missed, getting into the set-ups very carefully. She just laughed at me and said I am too much of a Type A. But again, patience!

So within 3 classes, I was presented with lessons in patience when things are going well, when they're not going well, and when things are outside of my control. I feel like I am a *much* more patient person now than I was when I first started practicing Bikram yoga, but I think the hardest kind of patience to learn is patience with yourself.

Nov 20, 9:15: Awesome class!

Today was an yoga amazing class. Wonderful. I've had lots of good, strong classes lately, but this was one of the awesome ones - where after it's over, you know you worked hard, you're proud of your hard work, you're dripping sweat, and just feel great. Nothing special or out of the ordinary happened, didn't reach any new milestones, just had an awesome class. I haven't had one like this in awhile.

One small thing that was different - I practiced on the other side of the room. For the first few months at this studio, I moved around a lot. When I was still working, I only had about 10 minutes between arriving at the studio and class starting, so I usually walked in and didn't have much choice as to where I put my mat. For the last month or so, I have been consistently practicing on the left side of the room, in abut 1 of 3 spots quite close to each other. I also end up with the same people practicing near me. Today I walked in, and the left side was full - I didn't stress about it, just took advantage of having first choice on the right side of the room. I had different people practicing around me than usual. Maybe it was their energy, maybe just a fresh perspective, maybe it had nothing to do with the side of the room at all - but I had a great class.

Tomorrow's my birthday, and I can think of nothing better than starting it with my regular Bikram yoga class!

Nov 17, Noon: Adductors!

Yesterday's yoga class was a good one. I didn't skip any postures, worked hard, had fun. I think the teacher was off a bit, losing his voice at one point, and correcting himself in the dialogue often, but it wasn't until the end of class that I realized he was off - as those things were happening, they just went in and straight out of my mind. I also felt like we held some of the standing series postures for not long enough, but we did a 1 minute Fixed Firm and a 1 minute Camel to make up for it. I stayed in both the whole time.

The best part of class yesterday was the chat I had with another teacher, Claire, after class. As I was putting on my shoes to leave, we started chatted, and I think it was about 20 minutes before I left. I really miss that from my old studio - yoga talk. In that studio, there was a waiting room area with benches right outside of the hot room, so after class, many of us would plop down for a few minutes to catch our breath before heading into the change room, and people would always end up chatting. In this studio, the hot room is upstairs, and the lobby is downstairs, so everyone just files out of the hot room into the changerooms, and there isn't as much interaction between students and with the teachers.

What Claire and I were talking about is various types of knee pain and the leg muscles. She has been having knee pain since she started practicing Advanced. I have had some pain in the tendon/ligament (I don't actually know which - need to look at an anatomy book) on the outside of my right knee. I know what it is from - I am often rolling my weight out on the outside of my foot on the one-legged postures. However, I have a hard time rolling it back to centre. I need to use the muscles on the inside of my thigh more (adductors? I get adductors and abductors mixed up). But, those muscles are weaker than my quads and the outside ones (abductors?), and I have a hard time just finding them when I need to use them. Claire suggested that I take some classes off, but I don't really think that will help. I might get some relief for that tendon, but I also won't be doing anything to build that muscle, either. When I am in the standing series and the couple other postures where this hurts, I really concentrate on the inside of my thighs, and try to work on strengthening them. The knee pain will only go away once I build that strength.

Claire also suggested that I do some exercises at home to build that muscle, then. I said, "Oh, like that evil machine at the gym where you squeeze that thing together with your thighs?" (I don't actually go to the gym, but I have been in one before. ;) ) She said yes - and that I could do the same thing at home with a yoga block or something similar. Brilliant! I don't have a yoga block, but I tried this last night with a rolled up yoga mat, and it totally works. I am excited to have this extra bit of knowledge and to use it, and to hopefully see improvement more quickly.

No yoga class for me today - I have an appointment this morning and one this evening, and they are both right in between when I would be able to get to class. Could've done the 6 am, but I figure after 13 days in a row, I can take one day off. I am thinking about doing another double on Monday, too.

Nov 16, 9:15: Tree Stand

I had a good yoga class again today. It's amazing what the heat does for our muscles. I often hear teachers say to people after their first class to come back the next day, even if they are sore, because the heat will make their sore muscles feel better. I'm sure most people don't believe it, and if they're sore, they wait a few days to come back.

Today I was feeling a bit sore in my lower back. I always do a bit of stretching before class, and I could feel some pain there, right away. I had to do all 4 parts of Half Moon quite gently, ease into each posture, because I was so tender. But after Half Moon, I didn't notice my lower back hurting throughout the rest of the class, even in Camel. The heat really does warm the muscles up well.

I was chatting with Lisa, who taught class, about Tree Stand afterwards. I think this is a posture that many people are able to just hang out in. One of the teachers from my old studio, Anastasia, would even sometimes say during this posture, "Don't hang out like a pinecone here. It's an active posture." But I have more or less always hung out here. I look into the mirror to make sure my hips and shoulders are in one line, I stretch up, I push my hips forward, I contract my glutes, and I roll my bent-leg hip down and out. But, I was able to do set all of those things up within the first 2 seconds of the posture, and it didn't take too much effort to maintain them.

I recently realized that I wasn't really locking my knee in Tree Stand. My leg was straight and I put a bit of thought into lifting the kneecap at the beginning of the posture, but then I would stop paying attention and my quad would relax. So now, I am spending all of this posture thinking about my standing-leg quads, and keeping them tight. And do you know what? Tree Stand is difficult for me now! My weight will start to roll to the outside of the foot, and it is hard to get it back when I am standing on one leg and my other leg is at such an angle. I even occasionally fall out of Tree Stand now, and that seems just silly to me. I still have work to do to build strength in my quads, though, so I just keep working on keeping my knee locked and thigh tight, and then I can get back to my hips, shoulders, etc.

This is one of the reasons I love this yoga - there is always more to learn, no matter how many times you've practiced any posture. No matter how much you improve in a posture, there is always a new aspect of it to open up.

Nov 14, 15, 10:00 am: A bad and a good class.

Yesterday's yoga class was awful. You know it's bad when you are putting on your shoes to leave the studio after class, and the teacher says to you "Jennifer, is everything okay?"

It's all about the mind. Yesterday was my 9th day in a row, and my body is starting to feel it. In Half Moon, my shoulders, arms, and upper back were sore, and my legs, and when I really started to push my hip out, I could feel my obliques were sore, too. My obliques are *never* sore, so I know I have been pushing myself lately. Having my whole body hurt in Half Moon is not a good way to start class. My toes going numb in Awkward, right afterwards, was too much. I was frustrated and angry, and could not get my focus or relaxation on track. I skipped one set of 4 different postures - awful.

Today was much better, though. In fact, it was a really strong class for me. I didn't miss any postures, and even though I was absolutely dripping, I wasn't really noticing the heat at all.

Ooh, and something quite wonderful has been happening for me in Standing Separate Leg Stretching pose. I have been able to touch my forehead to the floor for quite some time, and I can keep my knees locked, and my feet are fairly close to my mat. However, I only feel this posture in my hamstrings - until recently. In the last couple weeks, I am starting to feel the stretch in my hips/glutes. Heavenly! I don't always get that feeling, but I think I can achieve it by rolling forward more and kind of changing the angle of my pull/shoulders. This is a great feeling!

Looking forward to another great yoga class tomorrow.

Nov 13, 9:15: A few observations on yoga etiquette

Another class with Lisa today. I like her pacing and had a strong class today.

I had a few observations on yoga etiquette today, both good and bad. I try to be as respectful of others and the space as I can be, though I know I am not perfect. Also, I think in general that this studio is a bit lax re: etiquette as compared to my last one. For example, talking is allowed in the hot room before class (though not during or after), and latecomers are permitted, and will often walk across the room during postures. People will also walk across the room (not stand by the door) if they leave and then come back in during a posture. People also bring purses, extra clothes, etc. in with them to the room sometimes, and prop them up in front of the mirror, which is likely to block another person's view.

However, these were the few things I noticed during today's class. One bad, one good, one a question about me. Two young guys (early 20s, I think) came into class together, and were talking quite loudly (which is permitted, though usually people are quieter). The set their mats down in the middle of the room. Then, they got up and moved closer to the door, in the second row, behind where I was set up. One of them set up his mat *directly* behind mine. I consider this to be poor etiquette - since I was there first, he should set up his mat in a place where he can see himself. Instead, I ended up moving my mat when class started, as I didn't want to block him.

But, just seconds after this happened, I saw a lovely example of good etiquette. Our visiting teacher left to go to the bathrooom just before class started, and came back in as we were finishing our first breath in pranayama. I loved this - she opened the door, took one step in the room, then put her toes and heels together and joined in. When the first set was done, she scurried over to her mat. This is basic good etiquette in the yoga room - making sure not to provide distractions for the people around you. (The worst I have seen of this type is someone getting up and walking out of the room while we were in camel - as if that's not a lot distracting!)

Finally, an example of my own that I wasn't sure about. I lost the feeling in my toes again today during Awkward. I lost it during first set, Awkward 2. Now, when this happens, what I *really* want to do is sit down and wiggle each of my toes with my hands, but obviously that would be distracting for others, especially during the warmup. I don't feel comfortable going into Awkward 3 with no feeling in my toes, plus I am afraid that the feeling will worsen and affect the rest of my standing series, which would lead to more distractions for those around me if I fall out more, need to sit out, etc. So, I stood in place on my mat, arms still outstretched, and wiggled my toes on the floor. When everyone else was so low to the floor, I felt like I must have been a distraction, standing straight up; but, I wasn't sure what a better alternative would have been for me. Any suggestions are appreciated!

Those are my observations on yoga etiquette today. I think that the general sense we all need to follow is to be respectful of other in the room, and try not to provide distractions. However, I think there is also a lot of gray area within that rule.

Nov 12, Noon: Water!

Today's yoga class was brought to you by . . . not water. I left my filled water bottle at home on the kitchen counter.

This is not the first time I've completed a Bikram yoga class without water. I have left my water at home about five times over the last three months. Thinking about it today, though, I found another reason to see how far I've come. (I'm more than 250 classes and still no Standing Bow, so lately I am obsessed with finding other areas where I have made progress.)

When I first started practicing, I don't think I drank an obscene amount of water. I see people in the yoga room with two water bottles, one of them frozen. I started out with a plastic bottle that was probably 800 mL, and at the end of class, it was 1/2 - 3/4 full (but quickly emptied then).

As I became more interested in and committed to my practice, I started reading Bikram yoga forums and blogs online. Water is a subject that comes up often. I learned that Mary Jarvis' students aren't allowed to bring water into class at all. I read that water was just a distraction, our body just searching for something cold, our mind needing something to focus on other than the yoga, our breath.

I became committed to letting go of the distraction. I knew that's what the water was for me - a mini-escape from the heat, the yoga, meeting my own eyes in the mirror. I started out by promising myself I wouldn't drink water during the floor series except at Fixed Firm. (I quickly realized my stomach appreciated the lack of slooshing water in Camel.) Once I was able to make it through the floor series with only the one break, I endeavored to do the same in the standing series, with the exception of party time. I also allowed myself to take a sip before the first savasana. It didn't take very long to train myself into 3 breaks only. Before I knew it, I was only drinking at the first savasana, without even making that a goal.

The first time I left my water at home, I faced a dilemma. I was new to this studio, and I honestly hadn't noticed whether they sold water bottles in the lobby. (At my previous studio, they only sell metal water bottles, and there is a tall faucet of filtered water in the lobby.) I could go downstairs to check if there was water, or I could go through class without drinking at all, which is only one less sip than what I usually have, anyway. I chose to try water-less. Of course, it wasn't so bad at all! The only time that I found it difficult was about five minutes after class: I was parched then. Since then, whenever I forget my water bottle, I just roll my eyes at myself, and head into class.

Today was the same as that first day with no water. Parched after class, but just fine during it. I don't find that I actually get thirsty during class, but my mouth does feel dry after Pranayama.

If you haven't tried water-less before, or if you drink often during class, try cutting the water down or out. It definitely improves focus, and allows you to concentrate on why you are really there - the yoga. You can drink water any other time, for 22.5 hours each day!

Nov 11, 10:00

Glorious yoga class today - I was strong and focused. You know when you are so into the moment, into the dialogue, that the class feels like it goes by in about 15 minutes? One of those. Yoga bliss. It was really hot in there, too - I just had the right mindset to not even notice it.

My toes went numb in Awkward again today. I skipped the second set of Awkward 3 as I was only at strong pins and needles, not complete numbness. I knew if I went into A3, I would have numbness, and it would make the rest of the standing series very difficult. Felt like a better idea to miss that one posture, than to have no balance and discomfort for the next several postures. Part of me was tempted to go into A3 and deal with the numbness though - maybe it is something I need to do to work through it?

I have found some new strength in cobra lately, and it is letting me get into my low back more. I always think about keeping my legs and glutes really tight here. I think what I was doing in the past, though, was getting them tight, and then relaxing them as I lifted my chest, and then re-tightening. The result was often shaking legs. I am now concentrating on keeping them tight as I come up, and then it is easier to keep them tight, and there's no shaking. Then, I can concentrate more on lifting my chest more, dropping the shoulders, and bringing the elbows down and in closer. Love it!

We also had a funny moment at the end of class. Aidan said, during final savasana: "Since it is Remembrance Day, I have a quote about peace to share with you." He then went silent. I thought he was unfolding a piece of paper with the quote written on it. Then, he said, "Nope, I forgot it. It has completely left my mind." We all laughed. "Yep, completely forgotten. Sorry about that." More laughing. What a nice feeling to laugh in yoga class!

Nov 10, 9:15

Janet was teaching today, and I asked her to tell me when I was in the chair. At my studio, the pictures of NFL player Tony Parrish are up in the lobby. Janet took me over to look at Parrish in awkard so we could talk about the correct form (she says his is pretty much 100% correct). Here's the picture if you'd like to check it out: http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/81364036/Sports-Illustrated

It was funny to hear to dialogue interrupted by "Jennifer, you are in the chair," but good to have that reinforcement. The chair is WAY lower than I thought it was - much closer to Awkard 3 than I had though. It was also REALLY difficult for me to maintain. But, I got down there, then lifted my heels without coming out of the chair, and held it until my legs were shaking, and then more, and more, and then a quick drop out right before "change." Triangle set-up was difficult today, as I think I used up most of my leg strength in Awkward. However, I know that consistently doing the things in class that are difficult more quickly makes them easy/easier. My personal Awkward 2 challenge is on. :)

Nov 9, 9:15

Another good, strong, class. I feel like I am finally getting past my emotional/mental block about switching studios.

I tried Janet's suggestion today for Awkward 2 - just going down and getting into the chair, and then worrying about getting up higher on my toes once I'm there. Totally didn't work the first set: I got down fairly low, but as I was bringing my heels up, my hips came up, too. Second set, I concentrated on *staying* down. This was better, but I think I need a teacher to tell me when I am in the chair. I think I may have gone down too low. I will ask the teacher tomorrow to watch that for me and tell me when/where to stop.

I have also figured out the arm thing with Spine Twist that I was experimenting with last week. I don't think that it was setting up the arms in the reverse order that was moving the stretch for me. I think putting my back arm down into the floor first just caused me to lift my chest more. I have now figured out where to twist from whether my arm is there or not. I think that in the past, when we lift in Spine Twist, I was lifting out of my head - kind of like there was a string coming out of the top of my head, and someone was standing next to me, pulling it straight up. Now, I am finding that if the lift is a bit more in my chest, I actually feel a stretch in my back.

My studio is doing a 5-classes-in-1-day challenge in about a month. Aidan, one of the teachers, is convinced I am going to do it. When students have been asking about it, he says "I am going to do it. Jennifer is, too." His message seems to be getting through though - I am considering it. I almost dread the fact that I would have to start the day with a 6:15 am class more than actually doing 5 in a row! I want to do another Monday double between now and then though, since I have only done a double once before. We shall see.

Nov 7 & 8, 10:00 am

One post for two days of practice.

Yesterday was a really interesting class for me. In Awkward 2, my toes started to go numb. You know when you wake up and your arm is asleep, and it is SO asleep that you can't move it and need to pick it up with the other arm to do so? That is how asleep my toes were. Awkward 3 finished the job, making all 10 toes completely numb - I couldn't feel them at all by the time it was time to change postures. I had to lean forward a lot and rock back on my heels to come up. I did the second set of Awkward 1, reasoning that my weight is on my heels and I don't need my toes anyway. Awkward 2 and 3, second set, I stood still on my mat and wiggled my toes around.

My balancing series is my worst part of the class, as I fall out of pretty much everything, though occasionally hold Balancing Stick. My toes were still numb, though I was regaining a bit of feeling, through all of the standing series. It is *extremely* hard to balance when you can't feel your toes. My toes were still tingling a bit while we did the floor series, though I didn't notice very much as they aren't really relevant in any of the postures here. After lying in final savasana for a few minutes, I grabbed each of my toes one at a time, wiggling them and pushing them back and forth. The feeling was back in all but 3, all in my left foot. I chatted with the teacher after I'd showered and changed, and by then, I all my toes were fine.

I've told this story on the yoga forums before, so this may sound familiar - between the ages of 14 and 21, I wore high heels every day. I then started getting pain shooting up the centres of my feet, and started wearing flats. I now (27 years old) only wear heels when I go to weddings - just haven't been able to find a pair of flats that are dressy enough. When I wear heels now, I lose feeling in 3 of my toes (the same three that were numb during final savasana), and it takes about 3 days for all of the numbness to go away.

So what was going on in my feet? Is it related to the problems I have when I wear high heels? I talked to the teacher yesterday after class, and she didn't have much advice for me, and told me to talk to our studio's owner. I talked to her after class today, and she didn't have much to offer, anyway. Her best guess is just changes in circulation, or possibly a pinched nerve in my foot somewhere. The visiting teacher was in the lobby as well when we discussed this, and she said she used to have numbness in her big toe, and it turned out to be due to the shoes she was wearing. She said she was able to press down on a part of her foot where the shoes were tight (when she wasn't wearing the shoes), and could cause the numbness. I may play around with this idea, too, but I think it is the "on the toes" action that causes the numbness. In either case, I hope yesterday's numbness is the beginning of working through an old injury, and I am happy that the feeling was gone within 2 hours, rather than the 3 days I have experienced from wearing high-heeled shoes.

Coming out of the discussion with Janet, the owner, today was some good advice (I hope!) for me for Awkward 2, though. My Awkward 1 and 3 are both pretty strong. Awkward 2, I am not even close to getting into the chair. Janet recommended that I concentrate more on just getting down, and then raise my heels/go up on my toes more. She says not to think about the toes at all until I am sitting in the chair, rather than trying to do both at once. I'll try that tomorrow and hopefully make some good progress!

Nov 6, 9:15

I missed class yesterday - some bad things were happening in my stomach for the first couple hours after I got up, and I didn't think I'd be able to make it through class. Got lots of rest and am feeling better today.

Claire taught today's class. The room is getting to be quite full for the 9:15s now; I guess that's a consequence of the colder weather. I had a strong class again, and didn't skip any postures - I think I am getting out of that habit, which is excellent.

I've read in a couple different blogs and forum posts lately ppl commenting on pushing the hips forward in the setup of triangle. I wondered if that could be the cause of the pain in my right knee on the second side of triangle, and concentrated on that today. I really thought about pushing the hips forward and squeezing my glutes going into the posture. No knee pain, though it could've also been due to a good set-up with the heel alignment. Will try again tomorrow.

I also changed my focus during the second part of Awkward today. For most of the standing series, my point of focus is my belly button (except for the poses where it needs to be my knee, and in Standing Bow, it is my forehead). My Awkward 1 and 3 are both quite strong, but 2 is very difficult for me. My legs start shaking when I am probably only 1/3 of the way down. Ida always says that if something isn't working for you, to change something and see if that works better. I have experimented a lot in this one - working on getting down further, then trying to get my heels up more and less focus on getting down, glutes relaxed or not, etc. However, today I decided to make eye contact in the mirror instead of watching my belly button (where I can also see my legs/knees). I think I got down further, and I was definitely higher on my toes. Maybe being less aware of what my legs are doing gives me less opportunity to stress about it, and then I can just move forward. Will keep trying this out for the next few classes, too.

Nov 4, 9:15

Twice within a week, I had a new (to me) teacher. Today another regular that I recognize from practice was standing on the podium instead. I wonder how many more of these are hiding out in my studio.

I enjoyed his class. I was able to really zone out during the standing series, and I had a strong practice that went by quickly. His dialogue is very much that - just the dialogue. No extra tips, nothing changed around, just the dialogue. (Funny how I couldn't recite the dialogue myself, but I know it when I hear it!) The only things that I noticed were missing from the dialogue were the parts that I think of as the "silly parts" - Japanese ham sandwich, no dingle-dangle, and a few others. I actually quite like those parts of the dialogue because they make me smile, and make beginners laugh, but I understand why some teachers choose to leave them out, too.

DancingJ's post tonight is about how moving one part of the body can have an effect somewhere else on the body that isn't immediately physically connected. She found that moving her shoulder forward had an effect on the angle of her foot. I had a similar correction today after class.

I was staying to practice Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow, as usual, and Janet (teacher) had been practicing, and was on her way out the door. She passed behind me, and pointed at my hip. Of course I fell out, and then we whispered about it. She told me to drop the hip of my kicking leg down more in Standing Head to Knee. This is actually an alignment thing that I noticed a couple months ago (saw my hips on a diagonal line in the mirror and thought "hmm, I bet those are supposed to be level) and have been trying to work on anyway. So I asked Janet "But HOW do I bring it down." She said "Just think about dropping it." I tried again, and it was still too high, but when I thought about kicking forward more - boom! My hip came down level. Apparently, in order to lower my hip, I need to kick forward more, not just magically drop the hip down. Funny, I think that is in the dialogue - kick forward more. The answers are always there, even when you aren't looking for them!

Nov 3, Noon

Today's class was with Janet, who I think has been sick for a couple weeks as I haven't had a class with her in awhile. She is the butt-kicker of the studio - works us hard and keeps the room really hot. She kept talking about how we had a really juicy room today and to take advantage of it and push into the postures, but I was having an okay time with the heat.

I have been taking the time to center myself before class starts and set my intention, and to smile more often. I've definitely been more focused and less resistant in class.

I think I have mentioned earlier that I have been having some stress/pain on the outside of my right knee. I know it is from not rolling my weight far enough to the inside of my foot, or not keeping it there when I do. I am working on it in pretty much every single standing posture. I have also been having a non-Balancing Stick for about 5 months now (how is it possible it has been that long!?) since I received a correction that I needed to look forward more. I have been falling out of this one at least once, often twice, and not unusually three times each class. I have been trying to really focus on the floor, and keep my gaze strong and with intent, to keep balanced. Today, I found myself concentrating on the quads of my standing leg - and then I had a really solid leg, and I held all four parts of the pose! It's funny how just changing your focus can completely change a posture. Looking forward to trying this one again tomorrow.

I tried to replicate the set-up for Spine Twist that we used yesterday. On the first side, I still felt this one in my hips. One the second side, I felt it in my back again. Will keep playing with it! I really enjoy the feeling in my back when I get it.

Nov 2, 9:15

I skipped class yesterday. I went to a Halloween party on Saturday night in the next town over and didn't get home until 3 in the morning, at which time I needed to cook some food, so I didn't get to bed until 4 am. Four hours of sleep wasn't going to cut it for me, and my studio doesn't have any afternoon classes on Sunday.

In today's class, we had a guest teacher from New Zealand. We've had quite a few guest teachers lately, and I have to say that I like classes where the teacher has an accent. I have really good focus. She had nice pacing as well - overall, a great class for me, and I feel like my sugar hangover is now completely gone!

She also set up Spine Twist differently than I'm used to, and for the first time ever, I felt something in my back in this one! I usually feel Spine Twist in my hip flexors. (I talked to Ida about this once, and she said that it does act as a hip opener for some ppl based on anatomy, and this was fine.)

This is the order I am used to:

Right knee bent on floor; left leg over top; right arm up and over, grabbing the right knee; left arm on floor behind with palm at base of spine, pressing floor; stretch up; grab inner thigh with left arm; stretch again; twist backwards. (Keep stretching and twisting after that.)

This is the order we did today:

Right knee bent on floor; left leg over top; left arm on floor behind with palm at base of spine, pressing floor; right arm up and over, grabbing the right knee; stretch up; stretch again; twist backwards; grab inner thigh with left arm. (Keep stretching and twisting after that.)

The two differences: dealing with the arm that goes to the base of the spine before the one that goes up and over the bent leg. And, grabbing the inner thigh after twisting has already started, instead of before.

I can't believe these two small changes made such a difference in the pose for me. This makes me wish there were two sets of Spine Twist so that I could try each way, back to back. I will try to do the new way for the next few classes, though, anyway, and see if the results are consistent.

Oct 31, 10:00 am

Juicy class with Chantelle (sp?), who I haven't had before. I have practiced often with her in the room, but I didn't actually realize she was a teacher until she walked in and turned on the lights this morning!

It's nice having someone new (to me) every once in awhile. It's easy to get used to your regular teachers and their rhythms. Last spring, there was a teacher that I had for about 50% of my classes for a couple months. He chastised me in class once for coming out of a pose 1/2 second early - said that I was taking his classes so often that I knew his rhythm and anticipated it, ending the poses too soon, cheating myself. I just gave him a funny look - I had been noticing just 10 minutes before that I was getting INTO the poses earlier than everyone else because I knew his rhythm. I figured if I was coming out early, at least I was getting in early too, and it should have balanced itself out so I wasn't cheating myself. While that's true, I did try to work on staying present in the room so that I wasn't early or late in either direction - follow the instructions as you hear them!

That actually reminds me of something else funny with that teacher. He had a few poses he liked to hold just a second or two too long, and where he made up for that was often Fixed Firm. I love Fixed Firm, and was so disappointed to come out early from it. Then one day, he was taking class with his mat near mine. When it was time to come out of Fixed Firm, he held it a few seconds extra before coming out. I laughed at him after class - he cheated us with a shorter Fixed Firm all the time, but then stayed in it extra long himself? He told me he hadn't even realized he held it for a shorter time when he was teaching!

Nothing too interesting during class today. My hips are finally opening back up, and it's great to feel like I have my own body back!

Oct 30, 9:15

There have been some posts on the Bikram yoga.com forum lately (I'm jtho there) about least favourite poses and body type, which I think are often connected. I think about this myself, sometimes. For example, I have noticed that a large percentage of men can do Awkward 2 really well, even those on their first class, where this seems to usually (not always) be a more difficult posture for women.

Sometimes I know that my body shape and condition makes poses more difficult, but of course, other poses are easier. (Not ever easy - if it's easy, you need to figure out what to do to make it a challenge!)

I recently asked my boyfriend (who does not do yoga) to lie down on the floor next to me and do Wind Removing. This is a pose that is not particularly taxing for me. I have very flexible hips, and I feel a lovely, nice, wonderful stretch in my hip flexors in both the one-legged and two-legged parts of this posture. However, I sometimes notice that people on either side of me are struggling with this one, and even come out of it early. I honestly had no idea where this could be hurting - in the hips? in the legs somewhere? abdomen?

My boyfriend tried it out and he said he felt something in his hips and something in his hamstrings (which are always very tight), but that it wasn't particularly painful. Ah well, I thought, just part of the yoga mystery.

Last weekend, I went away for 3 days, and I had about a 7-hour drive to my destination. I also had a 1-hr wait at the border crossing into the US, which meant a lot of small movements in my legs between the clutch, gas and brake. (I did shut the car off a few times as I *hate* idling, but we were moving pretty much the whole time - just a very long line). Now, for the past few days, my legs and hips have been killing me.

On my first class back from my trip, I felt some pain in my hips in Wind Removing. A lot of pain. So much pain that I almost wanted to let go of my leg and come out early. Five days later, I am still feeling this pain in the pose, though it has diminished a fair amount. Now, I finally understand what is happening in other people's bodies when they have to give up in this posture.

Maybe one day I will understand the easiness of Awkward II and will get down into that chair?

Oct 29, Noon

Today was a great class. Heat was just right for me, stayed in all the postures (was a second or two late getting into Floor Bow, my nemesis, but I forced myself to stay in a second past "change" so I didn't cheat myself), and just felt happy and lovely.

I was thinking about the tricks I have to play on myself sometimes to keep going in a class and not sit/lie down. These are the ones I use most often:

- I tell myself "just one more posture." Before every posture. If I think "Only 19 more to go," it's just too much. So, I think about just one more. This has gotten me through a whole yoga class many times.
- If I do the floor series fine but start getting frustrated on the floor, I tell myself, "You have done 75% of the class and you are going to give up now? Don't let all your hard work go to waste." This is sort of the opposite theory from the first one.
- I remind myself that I *like* the yoga. I go to class because I choose to, not because anyone forces me to. So if I like it, then just go ahead and do it already!
- If there is a beginner behind me, I tell myself I should set a good example for them.

Today I found myself doing something else. I was smiling during Savasana. It was snowing at my house today (I say my house because we live up a mountain, and so driving down into town, it wasn't snowing anymore). Part of the reason that we recently moved to a new town was because we lived somewhere with no snow and I missed it. I was really happy to see the fluffy white stuff this morning. I took this joy with me into class. I smiled during Savasana. I think I am going to add another technique to my list to try out during tough classes:

- Smile during Savasana. And maybe the rest of the yoga postures, too. :)

Oct 28, 9:15

Today was the best class I've had in awhile. I really tried to focus on my breath and not be distracted by all that was going on around me. It helped! Class went by faster, poses were easier, and I didn't sit out anything today, which is a bad habit I have been falling into over the last couple weeks.

At my old yoga studio, just before Pranayama started, most of the teachers would say "Find your own eyes in the mirror. Concentrate. Meditate. Let's begin." Here, the class starts with "Toes and heels together; let's begin." I think I am going to start giving myself that reminder before every class. I think I need it.

You know when you feel something different in your body, or hear something in the dialogue for the first time (even though it has been there forever), or just have something "click" for you? I had two of those moments today.

The first was in Standing Head to Knee. This pose has been a long struggle for me. It took me 8 months to be able to consistently lock out my knee and kick out for the first time. That may have been the happiest day of my life, seriously. However, holding that kick then became the new struggle. Today I was in the first part of the posture, holding my foot from underneath, and I suddenly realized I could kind of rotate my hips/stick my butt out. Not sure yet if this is necessary, but as soon as I did it, I felt like I was letting something go. Also, I am able to kick out now and hold for about 5-7 seconds before I need to go back to the first stage. I have been staying after class to practice this one, and I can often hold for at least 10 seconds, and even bend my arms down and start to round in for head to knee. I thought it was something in my focus after class that I needed to try to find during class. However, today when I practiced after class, I noticed my whole form is different when I kick out then - my arms look like a different angle to my body, my back is straighter, chest lifted more. Maybe I am letting go of whatever it is in my hips after class in order to get the different (and I am sure, better) form? I will experiment during the next few classes, and will try to talk to a teacher about it after class, too.

Second change today was in triangle. After a long struggle, again in this one I have seen a lot of improvement. I actually have a pretty solid triangle: I can see the triangle shape, my hips are way down close to the floor, thigh bicep is parallel to the floor, knees over toes, etc. However, when I do the first side, everything is good. When I do the second side, I often feel some stress on the outside of my right (straight leg) knee. I have figured out that I think I am moving my heels out of one line when I transition from one side to the other. I have started practicing closer to the side mirror lately so that I can check out this alignment in the mirror, and it has been helping, but not consistently. Anyway, today I was on that side of the room, but closer to the back and I couldn't see the side mirror (door in the way). I looked down and tried to make the adjustment on my own. I had a pain-free triangle. Yay! Hopefully I have made the progression from mirror-check to self-check, and soon can do feel-check without looking down. (My favourite teacher ever used to tell me not to look down at my feet in triangle and the other postures in this part of the series - he said looking down blocks the airway, so to look forward in the mirror instead to make sure all my breaths were full.)

Also, the studio sent out an apology last night to all of us that practiced at the noon class yesterday. Apparently they have talked with the school as well - not sure that they will be welcome back.

I'm still enjoying a bit of a yoga high from class today - I'm counting on it carrying me over until tomorrow!

Oct 27, Noon

I was right: today was better than yesterday. :)

Today was the second (and last, I think) class where the high school was joining us. It was a different set of kids from last week. Once again, all the boys were down and out midway through the standing series and stayed in savasana until they left.

There was a girl behind me that was distracting me so much. (I know, this is bad.) I have never seen anyone on their first class quite like her before. There are things that many beginners do that I kind of think of as the beginner way of doing some of the poses - like butt up in the air in triangle, and elbows bent in Half Moon sidebend. I am used to seeing these things, and I know I did them too, and eventually if you listen carefully to the dialogue, you figure things out.

First off, this girl was swearing under her breath throughout most of the postures. I have heard this before, but not usually from young women who look to be in pretty good shape. Also, she would watch us get into postures, and then figure out her own way to get into a position to look like the rest of the class. For example, in Standing Bow: She stood on her right leg with her left bent behind her. Then, she leaned over and put her hands on the ground (sort of like getting into Toe Stand). Then, she reached behind herself with her right arm (left hand still on the floor), and grabbed her right big toe. Then, she used her left hand to push herself off of the floor into a position that somewhat resembled Standing Bow, but with no back bend. Of course, she couldn't balance like that, so she would fall forward onto her left hand, and then try to push/bounce herself back up.

Once we got into Savasana at the beginning of the floor series, she started talking to the girl next to her. They whispered throughout each Savasana. I heard the word "shower" a couple times. I assumed the conversation was something along the lines of "I am so sweaty that I can't wait to have a shower." Then, I heard "If we go now, we'll have more time." And just like that, the 3 girls stood up, grabbed their towels and left for their showers while the rest of us did the Sit Up before the first set of Camel. The boys (in the midst of their 35-minute savasana), took one look at the girls, looked at each other, and then stood up and did the same. Their poor gym teacher! He made it through the 2 sets of Camel, and then left as well - I think he was worried what they would all get up to without supervision.

While I was distracted throughout class, I was just happy to be there, and to not be completely exhausted like I was yesterday. Claire (who taught yesterday) was at the front desk when I came in this morning, and I told her I had fallen asleep in class. She told me that during teacher training, she once fell asleep after the first set of Cobra and woke up during Camel!

Today's yoga class was entertaining, if nothing else. :)

Oct 26, Noon

I fell asleep in class today. This was the first time this has ever happened to me. It lasted for about 25 seconds. Nothing more to say about today's practice. Tomorrow will be better.

Oct 22, Noon

I have to admit that I am not really a fan of the noon classes. I normally go to 9:15s on M, W and F, and then the 8 or 10 am on Saturday and Sunday. I know when and how much to eat for the morning classes. I have a smoothie 1.5-2hrs before class, finishing it no later than 1 hr before class starts. I also have 1 L of water, which I stop drinking 30 mins before class starts. This works well for me. However, there is no 9:15 on Tuesday and Thursday at my studio, so noon it is - I just can't drag myself out of bed for the 6 am classes, at least not regularly. I am still figuring out the balance of what and when to eat before the noon classes, and I have been feeling hungry by the time we get to the floor, which makes the belly-down series hard(er) to get through.

I have been able to do Tree Stand for quite some time, including lifting off of my heel and meeting my eyes in the mirror. A few classes ago, Claire told me to start lifting off my heel earlier. We talked about it after class, and she said my goal should be to have my hips off my heel the whole time I am down. I have tried lifting right away, but I am not able to sustain it until it is time to come up. I am working backwards, and right now am lifting when the dialogue says to stretch your spine up, and holding it as long as I can. Once I can hold that long, I will start lifting even earlier.

However, in today's yoga class, I received yet another Toe Stand correction from Claire. Usually, after I meet my eyes in the mirror, I put my hips back on my heel, then lean forward and push back up. Today, in the second set, she told me not to sit back down - go directly from meeting my eyes in the mirror to leaning forward to push back up. Holy crap! This is one of the few times I have ever made a noise during class. A sort of half-moan-half-grunt escaped my lips. I think I discovered some new muscles in my legs! I love having new things to work on, though.

Today was also the 12th day in a row that I've gone, and there was a double in there, too. I did a 30-day Bikram Yoga Challenge last April, and it was days 13 - 21 that I was in a lot of pain. It was my lower back and quads then. Today, right on schedule, my pain started. This time, it is in my upper back (weird), and my hip flexors. My legs in general are a bit heavy, too. It's good pain, though! I know I am building strength. I am leaving town tomorrow for a mini-vacation, and won't be able to practice for 3 days. While part of me is happy that the pain will likely relax a bit, I am actually a bit more disappointed that I won't be working through it. But my new yoga schedule will resume when I am back on Monday, and I'm sure when I am back to my new daily yoga practice, I'll be enjoying this pain again soon.

Oct 21, 9:15 am

Ohhh it was a hot one today. Actually, I think it was humidity. Ever since it started raining about a week and a half ago, the yoga room has been getting very warm. The windows even get opened sometimes, and while the fresh air is nice, I think it just lets in more humidity, and I still feel new sweat running down my back. I am still surprised when I pick up my towel at the end of class and it is actually heavy, but I think that will become the norm, soon.

Today was a struggle for me, both physically and mentally. Two Wednesdays ago, I had a rough class. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to move my body, I am thinking "kick up," but nothing happens. It was one of these classes. On Thursday, I was laid off. On Friday I went to class, a bit worried that it would be a hard one bc of the emotions I was going through after losing my job. Instead, I had a really strong class. I surprised myself with this thought partway through the floor series: "I just don't have the energy to resist."

As soon as I thought that, my next thought was "WHAT? Did I just say that it is taking up my energy to create bad classes?" What a horrible thing to think, but of course this is a wonderful thing to be aware of. I was thinking about this again today as I struggled - am I creating this struggle for myself? Of course I know that I am, but knowing how to end the struggle is something else.

I moved to a new city at the end of June, and since practicing at this new-to-me studio, I have felt like my yoga practice is regressing. I have been having a harder time with the heat, I sit out postures (which I never used to do), and I just know that I am not pushing myself as hard. I know that I have gone through plateaus before, but I am coming to realize that I am giving myself this struggle because I miss my old studio. The teachers aren't the same, the heating system isn't the same, the carpet smells bad, there's no waiting room outside the studio - I think I do poorly so I can blame something in my new studio, and then prove that my old studio was better. But who am I proving this to? Who benefits from me having a bad class, and why does it matter that I liked my old studio more?

I am glad that I am becoming aware of this, as it means I can work to stop doing this to myself, and get back into giving my all into the yoga. It really shouldn't/doesn't matter whether I practice on a rubber floor or carpet, whether the teacher knows me by name and will give me corrections, and whether there is a bench to sit on outside the door when I come out exhausted from class. The postures are what matter. My focus is what matters. My breath is what matters. The rest is only the trimmings. Now, I just need to figure out how to take this information, and live it while I am in the hot room.

October 20th, 12 Noon Class

Maggie was teaching today, and she is slowly becoming a favourite teacher of mine. She has a great rhythm and pace that keeps me focused.

The interesting thing about today's class was that a local high school gym class was joining us. There were about 10 boys and 2 girls, plus a male and female teacher taking up the whole back row.

First, the funny stuff. All of the boys were wearing shirts, and the girls had tank tops on over their sports bras. At the beginning of class, Maggie said: "You might want to take your shirts off as it will get really hot." I watched in the mirror as the guys made faces that meant, "Yeah, like I am going to take my shirt off in front of the girls in my class." By the end of Standing Bow, they were all shirtless.

It was also interesting to watch teenage apathy fight with teenage ego. You know that the boys were thinking "yoga is for sissies, this will be easy." By Triangle, every single one of the boys was lying on the floor. The stayed there until it was time for first Savasana. Only two boys stood up to do Tree Stand. I had thought for sure that the need to prove they were strong and could do yoga easily fell to the teenage apathy of "the gym teachers want us here, I don't really care." I also wonder if it was the popular boys who lay down first, and then the others followed suit.

So, clearly I was paying too much attention to what was going on in the room, and now my own practice. However, I find in these situations (similar to Free Class days, which cause a very full room, full of beginners) that I am very motivated to stay strong with my own practice. For anyone who is not laying down, I want to make sure I set a good example. It also means that at least my mind is in the room (and not on the groceries, or work, or whatever), which is closer to it being just on myself. I did have a very focused and strong practice today, despite the small part of my brain that was watching the back row.

Having so many beginners in the room is also a nice reminder to see how far I've come. Sometimes I feel like I am at a standstill with my practice, or even that I am moving backwards. When you see beginners around you wiping their sweat every few seconds, laying down all the time, grunting, or even talking, it's a reminder of how much more focus I have now than I did a year and a half ago. As I hear Maggie say "toes and heels together" and watch several students just bring their feet closer together but not actually touching, I realize my listening skills have improved, too. As I'm lying in savasana throughout the floor series and she is reminding everyone "heels together, toes flop open" and to bring their arms to their sides, and to stop moving - I realize that I have trained myself to find small bits of stillness in my life.

Welcome!

Wow, writing a first post is a bit weird! I'm here writing another Bikram yoga blog. I have been practicing for almost a year and a half, and my usual schedule is 5 classes/wk. I was just laid off from my job though, so I've decided to go every day! In a sense, I am completing a challenge, though I have no idea how long it will last for. :) I enjoy reading other Bikram blogs, and especially as a beginner, I found it helpful to read what others felt about the practice so I could learn from them. With my new free time, I am hoping to give back to the community that has benefitted me so much.

I'm about to head off for today's class in about 10 minutes, so here's a bit about my practice yesterday.

Yesterday, I did my first ever double! I practiced at 9:15 am and then again at noon. I asked for advice beforehand from one of my teachers, and a coconut water, emergen-c, and banana, plus some water, in between classes did me well.

One of the other teachers told me - don't have any expectations. He was right. :) I have never held standing bow or standing head to knee for the full time, ever. Lately, after class, I have been practicing both of them, and I am able to stay in a lot longer then. I was hoping that the after-class magic would carry through into my second class of the double! As it turns out, I did hold them both for a longer amount of time than normal, but not through the full set. I shouldn't have had expectations.

What did turn out really well - Hands to Feet. I am often able to lock my knees in this posture, but during my second class yesterday, I felt pretty close to touching my head to my feet, too. I'm hoping other yogis will understand this, but I felt more like I was pulling straight down, like something gave way in my hips and there was no rounding or pulling forward at all, only straight down. It felt sooooo good.

I also had amazing focus throughout my second class. The heat didn't bother me at all, and the whole class went by in what felt like about 20 minutes. My body felt loose, happy and springy afterwards - how lovely. However, after I got home, I ate lunch and then had a two hour nap. I was apparently exhausted. I am not sure if I will do one again soon - I loved the feeling during and after the double, but by the time I went to both classes, came home, and napped, it was already time to make dinner - my whole day was gone! I am happy to say I now have one double under my belt, though, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it might be. :)